Leaving the Mirror

[Lady Arwen]

I walked slowly through the rooms of home, sadness sweeping over me. I had heard my grandmother's thoughts about me, warm and happy, but I had also heard a great sadness that was sweeping over someone she was speaking with. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the person, and had seen my cousin, Legolas.

Why was he so terribly sad? What was troubling his heart? There was something he was thinking that he would not let me see, something awful had happened to him or something in his thoughts deeply troubled him. It disturbed me that he would keep these thoughts private from me, when he knew that I followed his strongest emotions and talked to him in his dreams, knew he it was me or not.

I awaited until he was alone, in the woods, and tried to call out to him. I could feel that he didn't have the heart to recieve me; he became weak in the knees and clutched a nearby tree. I tried again, hoping he would be open to my thoughts, and again, he fell. At this I pulled away, to consider my options of reaching him.

I watched him, through my mind, step into the river. I knew he was going to want to wash away his pain, and so in my room I gathered my energies and stood before my own wash basin. As he prayed to the river I absorbed his negative energies and sent to him my own positive energies as I poured drops of water on my hands and face.

"Wash away... Poik'oa sina... wash away," I repeated to him.

As the last of the negativity was drawn into myself, I sank away from the basin, and could see Legolas' aura glow. He was finally at some kind of peace, and would be more willing to speak with me tonight when he slept.

I draped myself over my bed, resting until the time came for me to go back to Legolas. I was glad that I was finally able to see Legolas for more than during his sleeping hours. When he was awake, he shut himself off to the thoughts and feelings of his kin, yet when he slept he had no control over it, and since he was in the land of Galadriel, who amplified the thoughts of all her subjects to those she knew wanted to hear, I was even more able to speak with him.

I sighed, and draped my hand over my eyes. I would wait until he was asleep. Then he would hear me. Then he would speak.

[Lady Arwen]

I was sitting on a large stone seat in the middle of a clearing, the lights and voices of my people gently washing over me. Legolas was lying on a bed of moss, sweet and fragrant with dew. His eyes slowly opened as he fell asleep, and I stood from my perch. I walked slowly over to him, listening to his thoughts about Aragorn, how he was becoming who he really was, and shook my head at him. I kissed his forhead, to relax him, and sat beside him on the root.

Gandalf; yes, I had felt his light extinguish. There had been a terrible pain that had followed, something so full of sadness that it was almost surreal. But there was something more, something new that splashed into my mind, something that was fresh and alive where Gandalf had been. But that feeling had passed quickly, and then there was no more. I did not know how to interperet this, so I told Legolas nothing of it.

"Shh," I told him gently. "Gandalf didn't relinqish any of his spirit. He gave his life to save you, and Frodo, and Middle Earth, all of it." My eyes were big as I gazed upon my cousin's face, moist, probably with tears, I could not tell. "If Galadriel cannot see him, and Celeborn cannot feel him, it may simply mean that he does not wish to be felt or seen."

My hand reached out and shakily touched his forehead. There was a wisp of hair loose and I brushed it back. His eyes gazed into the distance, searching for something. I knew he wanted answers, but answers I could not give. Comfort, love, that I could give, but there was no real way for me to ease his suffering. And I greatly wished to ease all the Fellowship's sufferings, as it was my calling in life to do such things.

"Leoglas," I whispered, looking up to the point he was fixed on. "I know your heart is heavy, and your mind troubled; death is not something that you nor I experience, nor is it anything that anyone can comprehend. I ask you only to let your pain go, let your suffering and your troubled thoughts go. They can do nothing but harm you on your journey."

[Lady Arwen]

Appropriately, he let his thoughts go, and as such he relaxed to a point where he could now rest and think of the journey ahead of him. He was tired, physically, mentally, emotionally. The assignment given to him was stressful enough, and now his dealing with the death of a friend made it even harder. I knew that before the journey was through another would lose their life. I could feel it, as if the chill wind blowing through my doors was a sign; this I could tell because I had seen it when I had seen him. However, the outcome of the war I could not see, it was something not even Galadriel could see. There was great energy and tension on both sides.

"Now is the time to rest, and sleep," I spoke to him. "Your journey ahead is long and perilous, filled with much more sorrow and pain. You need all the energy you can muster to fight the evils before you."

I felt a little uninspiring. For all that I was supposed to be, I was feeling the pain that Legolas had felt, the hurt that he had held inside him for so long. It was a terrible, horrible feeling, and made me want to cry. Somehow I doubted that I would in the presence of my cousin.

[Lady Arwen]

He lay his head in my lap, telling me he was finally ready for the war ahead of him. For this I was glad; he was a mighty warrior who needed his focus to fight. At the same time, though, the visit from his memory saddened me even deeper. Somehow, Isilien's trek through his mind reflected a feeling that I had been having more and more; that terrible emptiness that only Aragorn could fill. Alas, here I was comforting Legolas, when Aragorn needed me as well, possibly more than my cousin. Aragorn would need me to fill the emptiness that I created in his heart.

Of course, though, the love I had for Aragorn coupled with the pain Legolas felt for Gandalf nearly tore me apart inside. It was enough that Gandalf had died, but now that the love of Legolas' life had strayed into his dreams, it reminded me of when the man I loved thought he had strayed into a dream. My heart wavered in my chest and I took a quick breath, trying to hold in my own emotions in the presence of my cousin, who had just suffered so much.

"Legolas, ich gostadal. [You have nothing to fear.] Sleep until you are rested. Think of nothing, feel only peace."

[Lady Arwen]

My face felt hot as I tried to avoid the subject of myself. I didn't understand how Legolas could broach that subject when I was trying to soothe his soul; my sorrow for Aragorn was my own to feel, and while I appreciated his concern my sorrow was still my own. It was my duty to make others ready for the world around them, not the other way around. What kind of an Evenstar would I be if I suddenly succumbed to my own emotions in this the time of need? I did not take kindly to weakness, especially in my own self.

"Yes, I will sleep," I told my cousin. "I always rest. And I thank you for the promise, though I believe he will need your strength more than your protection."

In the back of my mind, away from where Legolas could see and feel, I sent my thoughts of anger. I did not wish to disturb him so near to his sleep, as we had come so far from earlier in the evening. And in my own right, I wished to visit Aragorn before I retired, as I knew he needed to see me to face the next day. He knew Gandalf well, though not as complexly as Legolas, and despite his faults being a man he still had the same complex feelings as Legolas or myself.

I sighed, and nodded as Legolas closed his eyes. Yes, I would rest. But only after I spoke to Aragorn.